The Gnarly Problem of Trying To Do Too Much.

Confessions from over-eating at the buffet of life.

Photo by Foxys_Forest_Manufacture

“If Cathy Jacob ever writes a piece about how to do less while still wanting to do more, I’d read it twice. Once for the wisdom, and once for the irony.” Andy Fenske

This juicy challenge came from fellow coach and Substack writer,

Andy Fenske

. You can find Andy’s work, here.

Andy was commenting on a note posted by Sarah Fay, author of Substack Writers@Work, who has been an indispensable mentor and guide to me and other writers on the Substack platform.

Sarah posted about the need for writers to embrace less, but better. She was talking to those of us who struggle to resist the urge to always do more, which leads to doing too much, which leads to disappointment and self-judgment when we realize we can’t do it all.

Andy asked her for examples of clients who were managing to do less while still growing their readership.

She shared a few examples from her long list of very successful clients. And then, she referenced me. She said, “My funniest example is my client the wonderful Cathy Jacob. We laughed because the temptation to offer more and more is so great that she felt it and was succumbing to it and she writes about doing less!”

I chuckled as I recalled that conversation. I complained to Sarah that, as much as I loved producing The Slow Sip and my podcast, Sound Insight, it was taking all my time. I wasn't getting to my other writing projects. And then, in the very next breath, I shared with her all the exciting new (meaning more) offerings I was planning to launch on The Slow Sip in 2025.

Sarah pulled up The Slow Sip’s About Page on my website, in which I write, “Welcome to a world where less is more....” She said, “So, just so I’m clear, you feel you need to offer more about doing less?”

Hence, the irony that Andy mentioned.

So, what is that?

Why do we (maybe, it’s just me) sabotage our efforts for a more spacious, creative, savor-worthy life with this compulsion to keep doing more?

Meet The Committee.

The Committee is a cadre of inner critics, who live and operate inside my brain. You may know it by another name - inner critic, saboteur, or gremlin. Fear, anxiety, and that nagging feeling that I am somehow insufficient, are jet fuel for this inner clan of neurotics.

The Committee’s mission is to keep me safe from life’s great risks - the risk of disapproval, the risk of discomfort, the risk that the world discovers I am lacking in some way.

If you have a brain stem, chances are excellent, a committee has set up camp somewhere near it. It may be different than mine. But I'm willing to bet, if you look closely, you will recognize it operating inside of you.

If you have a habit of taking on too much, chances are, your committee will be hyper-vigilant about all the wrong things. It will burn up your time and crush your little spirit in more ways than you can count. It will compare you unfavorably to others. It will tell you that you are inadequate. And in the end, it will tell you that the only cure for this inadequacy is TO DO MORE.

Much of the misery we create for ourselves emanates from these critical, hypervigilant, approval seeking, and often harsh voices our head. If you find yourself overwhelmed or overburdened, you can usually trace a line straight back to this dysfunctional band of misfits.

Committee members will talk you into taking on more, and as soon as you feel the first sign of overwhelm, they’ll all jump on the judgment train and berate you for taking on too much.

The Committee does not do simple. It certainly does not do easy.

And it never does less.

But as irritating as The Committee is, it is only part of the story of the compulsion to do more.

For some of us, the habit of taking on too much also comes from our restless souls, our unquenchable thirst for new experiences, and the gorgeous buffet of bright shiny objects that is our life.

Are you an Essentialist or a Multipassionate?

Photo by Steve Cole Images

Author Greg McKeown is the reigning king of less is more. His book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, changed my life.

Sort of.

McKeown divides the world into two types of people.

The “essentialist” (aka, the successful) and the “nonessentialist” (aka, the unsuccessful.) According to McKeown, the essentialist accomplishes amazing things with less effort. (Effortless is my love language.)

The essentialist chooses, discerns, and makes trade-offs and so the essentialist achieves more. And this is the essence of the less is more concept. Do less, do only what matters, accomplish more, have a better life in the process!

I longed to be an essentialist. This was the answer to all my problems! If I could throw myself into the spiritual and existential makeover that essentialism would require, my legacy would be secure. I’d finally be able to buy that Porsche I promised my husband when we were first married, from the proceeds of my brilliant collection of not-yet-written bestselling books!

But here was the “essential” problem.

The subtitle of this book is “The disciplined pursuit of less.” And discipline is not my strong suit. Further, when I created my own list of essential pursuits, it was extraordinarily long.

Don’t get me wrong.

I can and do exercise discipline every day.

I can and do choose.

I can and do make trade-offs.

The problem is, this optimization of my life sucks the joy out of it.

I began to wonder, “What if, for me, a life of following a singular passion is not a life worth living?”

And then…

I met

Jennie O'Connor

.

Well, I haven’t actually met Jennie, I’ve just read her work on Substack. AND I LOVE HER! She gets me! She’s smart, funny, and irreverent and isn’t afraid to toss the odd F-bomb into her work.

It was her article, The 5 Agonies of Ambitious Multipotentialites, that opened up a new world for me. In it she offers a kinder name for “nonessentialists,” Multipotentialites, or as she also calls us, Multipassionates. (I prefer the latter because I can say it three times fast.)

A multipassionate is someone who burns to do many things. Who needs to take three plates to the buffet! Who finds things to be passionate about everywhere.

Multipassionates struggle to work on just one thing. It’s not that we can’t focus. It’s just that we can’t focus on only one thing day after day. (Another reason I can’t get those damn Porsche-funding books written.)

And yet, there are some very accomplished people who were multipassionates.

For example, physicist Richard Feynman suggested we should all have a dozen problems we’re working on at the same time and he won the Nobel Prize in Physics!

So yes, maybe multipassionates move an inch forward in three hundred different directions. Maybe we excel at starting things but sometimes suck at finishing them. Maybe we spend hours and hours, like puppies, sticking our noses deep inside fascinating holes in the ground.

But IT’S FUN! AND WE LOVE DOING IT!

If you suspect you might be a multipassionate, I urge you to read O’Connor’s article. She offers some excellent, practical ideas for navigating the world in a way that, in her words, "sets your soul ablaze."

What I find interesting, though, is that while McEwan celebrates the essentialist and O'Connor celebrates the multipassionate, they come to similar conclusions on how to live a life of passion and purpose without driving yourself into an early grave.

They will both tell you, you can’t do it all. And you don’t want to.

They will both tell you that you shouldn't ignore the limitations of your finite life, but that by embracing them, you will make more purposeful and joyful choices.

And they will both tell you that you will need to say no. (I know, bummer.)

But what if you know all this already and you are STILL taking on too much?

First, may I suggest you begin by giving yourself a break. Knowing and doing (or in this case, knowing and stop doing), are not the same thing.

I’ve found that for me, and many of my clients, the path to sustainable change on this issue involves two strategies.

First, learn to work with your inner committee.

The most important thing you need to understand is that your committee is not going anywhere. It’s like a family of bad roommates who won’t move out. And fighting with those roommates will only make things worse.

The only practical solution is peaceful co-existence. What you can do is substantially reduce its power and influence over you and your choices. You do that by paying attention to how it operates, learning its devious ways, and getting to know its key voices and how they persuade you to work against your own interests.

Self-awareness is your most powerful weapon.

When you understand how your committee works and its deeper motivations, the voices you can trust and those you cannot, you can begin to get it working with you rather than against you.

You do that by being curious and compassionate with yourself, and, with your committee. I have found a sense of humor about it all really helps.

Second, “You do You!”

Don’t fight your essential nature. Embrace it! Work with it! And most important, learn to love it!

Go ahead and belly up to the amazing buffet of advice and strategies from people like McKeown, O’Connor, and me, but add a “you” overlay. Some of it will work for you, some of it won’t. Experiment.

Whatever your remarkable, quirky, and adorable way of being in the world, work with that. You won’t uncover your unique superpowers by trying to perform a personality transplant. Look for them inside of who you are now, develop them, and use them to create a life worth savoring.

Tell me, can you relate?