What if your struggle is a sign you are doing something right?
Practice #4: A pain (less) path to traction.
We are five months into our 2025 Slow Build here at The Slow Sip and issue #4 of The Practice.
This is my least favorite part of any slow build. The messy, muddled, why am I doing this anyway, middle.
This is the place where everything feels like a struggle and traction feels elusive. It’s the point where you wonder if this thing you were so excited about in January is ever going to happen. Or maybe you’re asking, “Why did I say I wanted to do this in January?” Or worse, “What did I say I wanted to do in January?”
Our theme for this month’s practice is Traction!
As usual, the opening reflection is for all Slow Sippers.
But if after you read it, you’re wondering, “Yeah but, how do I actually do that?”, consider upgrading to a paid subscription, where you’ll get exclusive access to my best practices, tips and tools for your slow build.
Let’s get started!
Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels
Reflect: Wheels are spinning and you are getting nowhere.
When I think of traction, the image of pushing a truck out of a ditch comes to mind. (Which is odd, given I’m a 125 lb., 5 ft 1 in., never pushed a truck out of a ditch in my life, kinda girl.)
It’s that precarious but satisfying moment when you can feel the tires catch.
Here’s the thing. That truck is going nowhere without some struggle. In any challenging or complex process, struggle is a given. If you are all about avoiding struggle and you think you’ll just wait around for inspiration and flow, here’s the bad news.
According to the research, no struggle, no flow.
In The Art of Impossible by Steven Kotler, he shares research into the science of flow. Flow is that neurological state where your focus is sharp, you lose yourself in whatever you are doing, time slows down, and progress feels effortless. Researchers who study this phenomenon have found that the process of moving in and out of flow has a distinct pattern, called the flow cycle. The flow cycle has four stages.
Unfortunately, stage one is struggle.
“Struggle is a conversation. When that influx of information arrives, the brain asks a question: “Hey, this thing you’re doing, it’s a lot harder than you expected. Do you want to expend a ton of energy and fight back, or do you want to back off and look for other options?” Flow starts with the decision to fight back. Frustration is transformed into courage by our answer to the brain’s question. We say, “Hell yes, I’ll fight.”
Kotler, Steven. The Art of Impossible (p. 261). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
During struggle, your prefrontal cortex is activated. It's gathering information, puzzling over a problem, or trying to learn that new skill that’s just a little beyond your capability.
Unfortunately, what is also activated during this phase is your inner critic. Whenever you are up to something BIG or challenging, your special friends, doubt and judgement, get very loud. They are trying to talk you out of expending the energy necessary to achieve what matters to you. Don’t blame them. It’s their job. This too, is part of the process. Your job is to keep moving forward.
The tricky thing with struggle is that sometimes it’s a signal to invest your energy and sometimes it’s a signal to stop.
When struggle is a signal, you are on the right path.
Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing. You may feel fear, frustration or both, but if you are working on something that matters to you, these feelings could be sign you are exactly where you need to be.
The best kind of struggle feels interesting to you. It may be unpleasant and frustrating, but it doesn’t feel like a slog. You sense there is something rewarding on the other side. It feels alive, intriguing, scary, and yes, difficult.
Struggle does not need to be synonymous with suffering.
The struggle is inevitable, but how you work with it is optional. You can choose how much you amplify or reduce your suffering in the process.
You can view struggle for what it is, a necessary and even valuable part of the process. You can be willing to do hard things, to show up, to tussle, to stay. Struggle is essential, not only to any creative process, but to any growth process.
Our leverage is not in avoiding or resisting struggle, but in changing our relationship to it.
We can welcome it. Hello struggle (and my old friends judgment and doubt)! This must mean I’m doing something amazing.
We can stay with it.
We can practice.