Has Your Fresh Start Fizzled?

You're not alone. It's not too late. There's a better way.

Did you launch another personal improvement project this year?

Maybe you (re) joined a gym or signed up for a couple of on-line courses guaranteed to help you fulfill your dreams. Maybe you've committed to one (or six) 30-day challenges. (Full transparency, I’ve got (count ’em) THREE daily challenges on the go at the moment!)

I have to ask, now that we’re nearing the end of the month, how’s that working out for you?

If you’re feeling inspired and energized and things are coming together, congrats! Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.

But if, as they like to say in this part of the world, “the arse is out of ‘er”. If you can feel your motivation crumbling or you’re 30-day challenge didn’t make it past day three. If you’re sitting in a stupor, eating storm chips and binging on Netflix, don’t despair.

Photo by Africa Images on Canva

You’re not alone. It’s not too late. There is a better way.

I find fresh starts irresistible, even though I know the feeling doesn’t last and will lead me to over-commit. I just love the boost in motivation. But around mid-January, I can usually feel the whole thing start to wobble.

Truth is, there’s a dark side to fresh starts and the unending quest for that ideal future you. It can be a form of perfectionism, of wanting to erase and disassociate with what has gone before. It can be an unconscious attempt to escape those aspects of yourself and your history that you do not want to face, let alone embrace.

But there’s no escaping the imperfect, and very human, you. As Jon Kabat-Zinn said in his book of the same title, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

A good beginning starts here.

There’s the fresh start; then there’s the quality start. One fizzles and dies; the other gives you traction.

Making a quality start begins by starting here. That means being okay with who and where you are now. It asks that you embrace the full hot mess of life and the full hot mess of you.

Here’s a reframe for you.

What if everything up to now – your successes, failures, and disappointments – is the best kind of compost in which to grow your future self. Growth and change are possible if you can work with what is here now; if you can face and include it all and take that first next step into the unknown.

Now, start slowly.

There are two types of slow starts: the aggravating, revving the engine, can’t seem to slip into gear kind, and the grounding, traction-giving kind. I routinely experience both. What I’ve learned, though, is when I attend to the grounding kind, it helps me avoid the aggravating kind.

About five years ago, I decided to conduct an experiment. (I’m always conducting experiments on myself.) I took the radical step of refusing to accept appointments, meetings, coffee dates, or zoom calls before noon. I decided to reserve my mornings for what Cal Newport calls, Deep Work, when my focus and energy are highest.

(I realize that most people don’t have work that allows that level of freedom over their schedule, but stay with me. The point is not an unscheduled morning; the point is a slow, deliberate start.)

Early in the experiment, I frittered away these mornings. I spent them immersed in email, doing menial tasks, struggling to focus. I found myself even more frustrated. Then, I decided to add a slow start, with a repeatable morning ritual. I built the habit of using the ritual to warm up before diving into the most important work of the day. It was like warming up before a morning run.

In my case, the ritual included, yoga, journaling, meditation, and of course, a long slow first sip of morning coffee. I tweaked it over time, trying different things to see what worked best with my schedule and my personality. I’ve had clients who’ve gotten similar benefits from rituals that are much shorter and simpler than mine. If you’re interested in experimenting with a morning ritual that is short and sweet, try one of these.

This experiment delivered three surprising results:

1. A substantial and measurable increase in the quantity and quality of my writing and my overall productivity.

2. Increased focus and energy throughout the day.

3. And a marked improvement in my mental state throughout the day.

A few years later, I began to wonder what would happen if I applied the slow start idea to my year. What if, instead of diving right in with a fitness regimen that would make a Navy Seal cry for mercy, and a goals list as long as the Appalachian trail, I started with a ritual for the year?

• What if I took the time to reflect on the past year – to savor, express my gratitude, and mine the experience for what I could learn from it? This led to a year-end annual review that I wrote about here.

• What if I gave myself space to reflect on what matters most and how I might give that more time in my life?

• And, what if I paid as much attention to envisioning the quality of experience I wanted to create, as I did to what I wanted to achieve?

In short, what if I gave myself the space to be more conscious, intentional and discerning?

Giving myself a quality start to both my day and my year, created subtle but transformative changes in my life. My approach to my work became gentler, more humane, healthier, and more fulfilling. I achieved more of what mattered most and quietly let the rest dissolve from neglect.

I’m not cured of my tendency to over-commit and over-estimate what is doable! I still fall into the trap of too many goals and resolutions EVERY SINGLE YEAR! But now, I know that about myself and I can observe it with some humor. I can put the things that matter most first, and slide the rest over to the “not a chance that will ever happen” pile and let it go without beating myself up.

Most of the time, I’m able to locate a kind of sweet spot that includes both fulfilling work and moments worth savoring.

The most profound change is my answer to the hard question I ask myself at the end of every year – Am I living the life I want to be living?

At this point in my life, my answer is a whole-hearted, unequivocal yes!